Over the past month, I’ve been under the weather. Nothing dramatic. No single moment that required stopping everything. Although, with ‘man-flu’, you just never know!

It’s been this lingering run of colds, a sore throat that hasn’t shifted, a heavy, low-energy feeling in the body that never quite lifts. The kind of illness lots of people are describing at the moment. It’s stayed way longer than expected (far past it’s welcome), has blurred the edges of the days and has quietly reduced what I’m able to bring to life.

IT SUCKS!

And alongside it, something else has been present. Something I recognise not just personally, but clinically.

The voice of the inner critic.

It is subtle at first. A tightening rather than a clear statement. A sense that I ‘should’ be doing more (always be watchful for the ‘shoulds’). That I am not quite meeting the moment. That I am falling slightly short of my usual standards.

As a counsellor, and as someone who has spent years doing my own work, I notice this voice differently now. It no longer arrives as truth. It arrives as something to relate to. But that does not mean it disappears. In fact, being physically unwell seems to create the perfect conditions for it to return.

But having led me, as a counsellor & psychotherapist, to reflect on the inner critic, acceptance, and self kindness when unwell, I thought I’d share something hopefully useful for others.

Why does mental health get worse when we are ill?

This is something I see often in clients too. When the body is compromised, the mind follows.

Energy is lower. Patience is thinner. Perspective narrows. The capacity to hold complexity, nuance, and self compassion becomes harder to access. We are, quite simply, more vulnerable.

And in that vulnerability, older patterns can re emerge.

For some, it is self criticism.
For others, anxiety.
For others, a sense of failure or not being ‘enough’.

It can feel confusing, especially if you have done a lot of work on yourself. You might find yourself thinking, “I thought I had moved past this,” or “Why am I back here again?”

But this is not a step backwards. It is a reminder that our inner world is not ‘fixed’. It is responsive. It shifts depending on our state, our capacity, and what is happening in our lives and bodies.

There are also very real biological and psychological reasons why mental health suffers when we are ill.

The biology of feeling low when you are sick

This is one I had to look up and it’s pretty science-y, but helps validate. In short, when your body is fighting illness, your immune system releases proteins called cytokines. These do not just fight infection. They also affect the brain, creating what is often called sickness behaviour.

This can mimic aspects of depression, including low mood, fatigue, reduced motivation, and social withdrawal. In other words, your brain is actively encouraging you to slow down and rest.

I found that just learning this helped a bit – it normalised the experience. In a similar way that naming emotions can.

The loss of doing and identity

For many people, self worth is closely tied to productivity. This is particularly relevant to my learned way of being (or condition of worth – more on this another time). When you’re unwell, you lose access to your usual ways of feeling capable and useful.

Without that external evidence, the mind can quickly fill the gap with unhelpful and unkind judgement and self criticism.

“I am being lazy.”
“I should be doing more.”
“I am letting people down.”

Reduced emotional capacity

Emotional regulation takes energy. When your body is focused on healing, there is simply less mental resource available to manage thoughts and feelings.

This means the inner critic can feel louder, and harder to notice, let alone manage.

Physical vulnerability and threat

Being in physical discomfort can put the nervous system into a subtle state of threat. When we feel physically weakened, the brain becomes more vigilant.

Often, that vigilance turns inward.

In short, if your mental health dips when you’re ill, it does not mean you are failing. It means your system is under strain.

The inner critic when you are unwell

Being unwell is not just a physical experience; it is a psychological one too.

One of the most helpful distinctions I have been reminded of during this period is the difference between acceptance (whilst more out of action I’ve being going deep on Taoism!) and kindness.

They are often spoken about together, and they are both important, but they are not the same.

Acceptance & self kindness: what is the difference?

Acceptance, for me, has been about acknowledging the reality of the situation.

“I am not at full capacity.”
“My body needs rest.”
“This is how things are right now.”

It sounds simple, but it is not always easy. There is often a pull to resist. To push through. To override what the body is asking for. To carry on as if nothing has changed.

Acceptance asks something different. It asks for honesty. It asks for a willingness to stop negotiating with reality.

Without acceptance, there is an ongoing tension. A subtle fight against what is already happening. And that fight is exhausting.

But acceptance on its own is not enough.

It is possible to accept reality in a way that is flat, or even harsh.

“Fine, I am ill. I just have to get on with it.”
“This is inconvenient, but I will push through anyway.”

There is no warmth in that. No care. Just endurance.

This is where kindness comes in.

Kindness is about how we relate to ourselves within the reality we are facing.

It might sound like:
“This is difficult.”
“It makes sense that I feel slower today.”
“I’m allowed to take things gently.”
“I do not need to hold myself to the same expectations right now.”

Kindness softens the experience. It creates space rather than pressure. It allows the nervous system to settle rather than remain in a state of strain.

Why acceptance comes before kindness

What I have noticed in myself is that these two processes often need to happen in sequence.

First, acceptance. Letting the situation be real.

Then, kindness. Choosing how I respond to myself within it.

When I skip acceptance, kindness feels thin. It does not quite land, because a part of me is still resisting what is happening.

When I skip kindness, acceptance becomes hard. It can feel like resignation rather than care.

Together, they create something more supportive. Something that allows both honesty and compassion to exist at the same time.

A personal reflection on being ill and self compassion

Over the past few weeks, I have had to consciously adjust my expectations. Slower mornings. More rest. Letting go of the idea that I can operate at my usual pace. Not something I find ‘easy’ at all.

But that is the acceptance.

Alongside that, I have had to actively notice the moments where the inner critic begins to speak. The subtle suggestions that I should be doing more, that I am falling behind, that I am not using my time well enough.

And then, deliberately and consciously, I have had to choose a different response.

Not arguing with the critic. Not trying to silence it completely. But relating to it with a bit more distance, and bringing in a kinder voice alongside it.

“This is what happens when I am run down.”
“It is understandable that this feels uncomfortable.”
“I can take today as it comes.”

This is not about getting it right every time. There are still moments where the critic hooks me, where I feel frustrated or impatient with myself.

But the difference now is that I notice more quickly. I recover more easily. I do not stay in those states for as long.

This is, in many ways, what therapeutic work supports.

When other people’s reactions make it harder

Something else I have been reminded of during this time is how much other people’s responses to illness can impact our mental health.

Rarely intentionally, but often quite powerfully.

When someone is unwell, it can stir discomfort in others. Illness disrupts plans. It slows things down. It can create uncertainty or inconvenience. It also reflects fallibility in ourselves as organisms. And not everyone has the capacity to sit comfortably with that.

Instead, that discomfort can get projected outward.

It might come across as impatience.
Minimising the illness.
Subtle pressure to push through.
Or a lack of emotional attunement.

At its worst, it can leave the person who is unwell feeling like a problem.

Like they are inconvenient.
Like they are letting others down.
Like their experience is not fully acceptable.

When you are already physically vulnerable, this can land more deeply.

Your usual resilience is lower. Your capacity to filter or contextualise other people’s behaviour is reduced. And so their reactions can more easily become internalised.

This is often where the inner critic finds more material. Turbo charged!

It picks up those external messages and turns them inward.

“I am being difficult.”
“I should be coping better.”
“I am a burden.”

Clinically, this is something many people recognise over time. The idea that we often end up in therapy not simply because of our own internal world, but because of how we have had to adapt to others who were unable to meet us emotionally.

And when you are ill, that dynamic can feel amplified.

This is where both acceptance and kindness become even more important.

Acceptance might sound like:

“Not everyone is able to respond in the way I need right now.”

And kindness might follow with:

“That does not mean my needs are wrong.”
“I am allowed to rest.”
“I am allowed to take up space, even like this.”

Holding that boundary internally can make a significant difference.

How counselling helps with the inner critic

Not the removal of difficult thoughts or feelings, but a shift in how we relate to them.

For many people, the inner critic is not just something that appears when they are ill. It is a more constant presence. It shapes how they evaluate themselves, how they respond to struggle, how they make sense of their worth.

Illness can amplify it, but it is often already there.

Counselling offers a space to explore that relationship.

Where does the critical voice come from?
What function does it serve?
What does it fear would happen if it softened?

These are not always straightforward questions, but they are important ones.

Because the goal is not simply to replace criticism with forced positivity. The goal is to develop a more balanced, compassionate, and realistic way of relating to yourself.

One that can hold both strength and limitation.
One that can adapt when your capacity changes.
One that does not turn against you at the moments you most need support.

How to look after your mental health when you are ill

Periods of illness, like the one many people seem to be experiencing at the moment, can be an unexpected opportunity to notice these patterns more clearly.

When we are well, it is easier to stay ahead of the critic. To meet expectations. To feel competent and in control.

When we are unwell, that changes.

And in that change, we get to see how we respond when things are not going to plan.

Do we become harsher?
Do we withdraw?
Do we push ourselves beyond what is reasonable?

Or, can we begin to respond differently?

More honestly.
More gently.
More in tune with what is actually needed.

If you have noticed a shift in your own mental health while being physically unwell, you are not alone. Hopefully some of the above has resonated and normalised that experience.

There is nothing wrong with you for finding it harder.

In fact, it makes a great deal of sense.

The question is not how to eliminate that experience, but how to support yourself within it.

Sometimes that can start with something as simple as naming what is happening.

“I am ill, and this is affecting how I feel about myself.”

From there, it might be about small adjustments.

Lowering expectations.
Building in more rest.
Speaking to yourself with a bit more understanding.

Counselling support at Hammock Counselling

And for some, it might also be about seeking additional support.

Having a space where you can talk openly about these patterns, without judgement, can make a significant difference. It allows you to step out of the cycle of self criticism and begin to understand it in a deeper way.

At Hammock Counselling, this is at the heart of the work we do.

We offer accessible, online counselling at £30 per session, designed to give you a consistent space to slow down, reflect, and make sense of what is going on internally.

You do not need to be at crisis point. You do not need to have everything figured out.

Sometimes it is simply about having somewhere to bring what is already there.

The difficult thoughts.
The inner critic.
The pressure you place on yourself.
The impact of other people.

And beginning, gradually, to relate to yourself differently.

In a way that is more understanding.
More steady.
More supportive.

Because the truth is, we all have periods where our capacity is reduced.

We all get run down.
We all have moments where we struggle.

The work is not to avoid those moments, but to meet them differently.

With acceptance.

And with kindness.

If this resonates, you are very welcome to get in touch or book an initial session.

You do not have to navigate it on your own.

Thanks all & take care!

Ed