Wellbeing Hub

Reacting or Responding: What It Really Means to Be Triggered

Have you ever said or done something in the heat of the moment and later thought, “I wish I’d handled that differently”?

That moment — the instant between what happens and what we do next — is the space where reacting and responding live.

In counselling, we often explore that space. It’s the pause that can change everything.

What Does It Mean to Be “Triggered”?

The word triggered is everywhere now — on social media, in conversation, even as a joke. But at its core, it points to something real and deeply human.

When we’re triggered, something in the present moment touches an old, sensitive place inside us. It might be a tone of voice, a facial expression, or even a delay in a text message — something small that awakens a much bigger emotional response.

Our body recognises it before our mind does.
Our heart rate quickens, our chest tightens, our thoughts speed up or shut down. It’s our nervous system remembering.

In that moment, we’re no longer just reacting to what’s in front of us — we’re also reacting to everything that memory, emotion, and past experience bring with it.

Reacting: When Emotions Take the Wheel

A reaction is what happens automatically when we’re triggered.
It’s fast, instinctive, and often outside conscious control.

Reactions are shaped by survival — our fight, flight, freeze, or fawn responses. They’re the body’s way of saying, “Something doesn’t feel safe.”

That might look like:

Snapping back in anger when you feel criticised.
Withdrawing when someone gets too close.
Saying yes when you really want to say no.
Feeling suddenly anxious, ashamed, or defensive without knowing why.

Reacting isn’t “bad” — it’s human. But when we live mostly in reaction, life can start to feel chaotic and unpredictable. We might find ourselves caught in the same patterns of conflict or self-blame, over and over again.

Feeling Offended: A Common Everyday Trigger

One of the most relatable examples of being triggered is feeling offended.

In our earlier post, Owning Our Feelings: From “They Made Me Feel” to “I Feel”, we explored how we often hand responsibility for our emotions to others — saying things like, “You made me feel…”

Feeling offended often works in the same way; someone says or does something, or you read something, and before we know it, we’re flooded with emotion. We might feel hurt, angry, or indignant — convinced that the other person has caused our feeling.

But often what’s actually happening is that something in their words or behaviour has touched something old inside us.
Perhaps it’s stirred a sense of being dismissed, rejected, or unseen — feelings that reach far deeper than the moment itself.

Once we’ve been triggered in this way, the rational mind tends to shut down. Everything becomes emotional.
We stop hearing nuance. We stop being curious. Our perception narrows, and we see the situation only through the lens of our emotions; typically emotional pain.

That’s why conversations between people who are both feeling offended can so quickly spiral — each person defending their feelings, neither able to see clearly.

Recognising this doesn’t mean dismissing our emotions. It simply helps us understand that being offended is often more about what’s happening inside us than what the other person intended.

When we can pause long enough to ask, “What exactly got touched here?” or “What does this remind me of?”, we begin to move from reacting to responding.

Responding: How to Pause and Choose Differently

A response comes when we notice the reaction, take a breath, and stay with ourselves long enough to choose what to do next.

Responding doesn’t mean suppressing emotion — it means being aware of it.
It’s the moment where you think, “Something’s been stirred up in me. Before I speak or act, I want to understand what this is.”

In that pause, you move from being in the emotion to being with it.

A response might look like:

Taking time before replying to a difficult message.
Naming a feeling instead of acting it out.
Asking for clarity instead of assuming the worst.
Noticing that a sense of offence has arisen — and getting curious rather than defensive.

Responding is where growth happens. It’s where old patterns begin to soften, and where self-awareness creates change.

The Space Between Reaction and Response

Viktor Frankl once wrote:

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

In therapy, much of our work takes place in that space.
It’s not about eliminating triggers — that’s impossible. Instead, we learn to recognise them, name them, and give ourselves time to decide what happens next.

That pause — even a breath’s worth — is where we begin to reclaim choice.

Why Learning to Respond Matters

When we understand our triggers, we start to see the deeper story beneath our reactions.
A harsh comment from a partner might not just sting because of what they said, but because it echoes a feeling of being dismissed as a child.

By slowing down and getting curious, we begin to separate the then from the now.
That’s where healing begins — not in avoiding emotion, but in staying present with it long enough to understand it.

At Hammock Counselling, we often describe this as learning to rest in awareness. Like lying back in a hammock, it’s about finding balance — not too tight, not too loose.
We can’t stop the wind from moving us, but we can learn to stay steady as it passes.

Working With Triggers in Therapy

Exploring triggers in therapy isn’t about judgment or blame — it’s about compassion and curiosity.

Together, we might look at:

What situations or relationships consistently spark strong feelings.
What those feelings remind you of.
What your body tends to do in those moments.
What helps you feel grounded again.

Over time, these insights help you move from reacting unconsciously to responding with awareness and care — both for yourself and others.

This is the essence of emotional growth: learning to stay present with what’s happening inside you, even when it’s uncomfortable, and choosing how to act from that place of awareness.

An Invitation to Slow Down

If you find yourself reacting quickly or feeling “triggered” or “offended” more often than you’d like, you’re not alone. It’s something we all experience — especially when life feels stressful or uncertain.

Therapy can help you understand those reactions, soothe the parts of you that feel unsafe, and find steadier ways of responding.

At Hammock Counselling, we offer a calm, reflective space to do just that — a place to slow down, breathe, and begin to know yourself in a new way.

You can learn more or book a session at Hammock Counselling.

Thanks all

(Hammock co-founder & private practice therapist)